Currently Reading Burned By Ellen Hopkins see related

mayb these feelings are ..well way overdue. well i read my first 2 day book. it had 532 pages but it would prolli only fill 200 at most. it was... well words cant describe how amazing that book is. i felt soo connected with the girl in it. it sounds stupid i kno but what can i say? her life was nothing short of hell until she found love. i cant say my life was hell but it was never as good as it is now. she ended up pregnant with the man she was in love withs baby. then she ended up in a car accident and the baby died. then from what i can tell she committed suicide(honestly wouldnt blame her).  i cant say im pregnant cuz im a vigin. but it all hit home in some way. she loved him more than anything and he loved her back with the same feeling. i love bryan more than.. more than i can say. i dont always show it and i kno that. i dont want to lose him no matter what and if he died... idk what i would do with myself. i feel like i should be crying for her.. but then mayb for me too. i kno bryan told me im a good girlfriend.. but i dont much believe him. my heart doesnt beat slower or faster anymore. just one beat.. i love him with all that i am and have. i just want to feel totally composed of him again. like nothing matters when he's around. nothing can hurt me. but things can hurt and sometimes they do.  (im in love.. and sometimes that hurts as well) i kno he gets grounded alot and i totally could never blame him. he doesnt do anything wrong and he shouldnt get punished for being an amazing person. hes my bestfriend. the one i trust most.. and sometimes the one i hold most back from. (not meant for sexual thinkers) i love him and i want that to be all that matters.

To:Bryan<3

hey sexy tractor,
       no matter what I feel or how I feel about things, I love you and I always will. No one's as amazing as you are. you care about things and ppl who wouldnt give a damn about others. you mean the world to me and if I did ever end up prego I hope it would be with you. cute little Bryans running around lol . no  one means the world to me as you do. I'm sorry for the depressing mood. its just that the book made me realize things that I dont think i would have noticed otherwise. I'm also sorry that i've kept things that I just couldnt say from you. you kno im shy but it shouldnt be that way around you. you love me and i should show the same back and I hope I do. I do feel very safe when I'm around you but I also kno you cant protect me from everything and I'm glad you can't. it sounds mean but what I mean is I need to experience things for myself. even when it comes to you.i always want u in my life no matter if we're married, together , or broken up. not that i want to break up trust me.. its the last thing id ever want.  I'll always love you with all of my heart. and I hope you can say the same. <3 (i don't feel like we're meant to be together... I kno we're meant to be together)

nae

the cute puppy i want its so adorable!!!!!!

my hamster can kick you hamster's ass!!!

We miss and Love you sam. you were my bestfriend.. the only one that made band fun after everyone left and you were always the hyper one. No matter how depressing things got or how depressed everyone was you were the hyper, jumping up and down, crazy person. we all loved and love you for it. no one could ever replace you cuz no one has the energy like you do. i still remember times when we had our picture taking war on the way to floriday last year in band and me trying to carry your drum back from practice but i was always too short. lol. you made everything fun. like in florida when we got in trouble for trying to flash each other with cameras lol and some how we always managed to get yelled at for being our stupid selves. the stupid doll in band that sings and you kept turning him on lol. and id turn him off .. what a suprise. we talked about everything from courtney to people we didnt kno. my flagget husband to my perkvalley trojan husband. no one was there for me like you were and no one knew it less than you did. you were my best friend in many more ways than one. ive known you since 6th grade and ive got pictures to prove it. you were my first middle school friend and the longest real friend i really ever had that i wasnt pissed off at. no one could be mad at you cuz it was just impossible. you were the huggy type or the girly type for that matter but you made people happy without even knowing it. at lunch when we would talk about doc stevenson and old people porn lol. you were and still are my best friend ever and i love you so much.

ash  (my comformation letter to myself)

Currently Listening PCD By The Pussycat Dolls stick wit u see related

PICTURE TIME AGAIN!!!!!! <3 KIDDIES

.. even with heels on....

When i tickled his side

me my gmom and bryan

and again 

( you try going out in the coldest day of the entire winter season!!!!! wearing a dress and heels!!!!!!!!)  

the winterball was amazing, i dont think i left his side for an entire minute the whole night. it was everything i could have wanted *except for my fear of dancing*  i can slow dance with him but anything else scares the hell outa me .. dk y?. anywho it was at academy hall which is on the corner of homedepot thingy. and theres still a sign up that says phs winterball 2006 or 06 not sure. but it was an amazing night. then we went to ptown diner with meg, tim, aimee, jeff, schaffer, james, laura, dustin, and a few others. me and bryan really wanted to leave. not that the food was bad it was just the game.. you dont want to kno. im sorry but im not like that and i thought it was just stupid but thats just us i guess. it was so uncomfortable being there.

next friday is bryans bday so tell him happy bday shhh!!!!!  I lOvE yOu!!!